Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Blizzard Armageddon 2011

WARNING:  Severely Sarcastic Narrative Ahead

As the end is upon us, I am technically not snowed in yet but the storm is edging its way towards Central IL.  As if I weren't tired of winter enough already, now we have a "blizzard" heading our way and all the chaos and paranoia that surrounds it.

We live in IL and yes, we have snow.  Lots of it.  I can't believe the hype that this snow has brought with it.  In the last two days I have heard/seen the following conversations:

News casters:  As people of Central IL prepare for the blizzard, grocery stores are keeping busy.  People swarming to stock up on milk, water and perishable,s flood local merchants.

A conversation between friends on facebook: 
A local news website has the following updates on the blizzard: 

A photo of my local grocery store meat section:

A sarcastic conversation between my mom and I before she left my house this morning (trying to beat the storm home):

Me:  Are you prepared for the blizzard?
Mom:  Yes, I have groceries, medicine and blankets.
Me:  But are you prepared for the power going out?  What will you do if the power is out?
Mom:  Yes, I have lots of quilts.
Me:  But are you prepared for when the rioting starts and people break down your door for those quilts?
Mom: Ummm, yes.
Me:  Do you have a weapon?
Mom:  I have a baseball bat.

A video clip of my mom leaving my house into the said storm (sorry mom but it was too funny not to post):

I can not believe the way people are acting about this whole thing.  Are we so far out of touch that we have to swarm a grocery store and stock up on water and food for a possible two days of being snowed in?  What makes this so different from my weekends that I don't leave the house?  You would think that the end has come and Armageddon is upon us! 

Are we going to have to defend ourselves against criminals that will want our supplies?  Do I really need 10 gallons of bottled water?  Do I really need two weeks worth of meat and perishables?  Should I load my weapon and set up a command post in my basement?  Because the way that people are talking is like this is the end.

As I sit and look out my window at about an inch of snow in my yard, I wonder, is this it?  Of all the things that I have done in my life, will snow do me in?  I have so many things I wanted to do.  So many places to go and people to see.  So many books to read and ideas to invent.  I will miss my family and friends most of all.  If you are reading this please know that I loved them with all my being. 

Take care dogs, sweet Phoebe and ferocious Winston, for you are on your own now.  Please don't eat me, instead move on in your journey in life.  Take shelter in the woods with the other feral dogs.  Be smart and stay low, scavenge what you can.

As the storm closes in, I take inventory of my supplies.  We have enough milk to last maybe a week.  Enough meat and peanut butter to last twice that.  If we can just make it through these first few days, I think we might make it.  After that, the future is unsure. 

I will never get to enjoy that camper we just bought, but my dreams were enough to last a lifetime.  If you come looking for me, search the camper in the yard, I may be curled up, frozen in the corner, trying to grasp the dreams I had of sunny days at the lake.  With bare feet you will find me, with what remains of a Mr. Heater and propane tanks that are empty.  Don't feel sad for my loss.  Be proud that I weathered the storm and made it two whole days in this Blizzard Armageddon 2011.  CHEERS!


  1. Heather,as I was driven home,over the hills and through the woods, I looked over at the creek and prayed that I did'nt need that fishin pole.I would have been f...ed, would'nt you know, the creek is frozen over, oh no. Now that I am home, I have gotten all the quilts ready, chocolate put away, all should good right? went to grab the baseball bat and god dame it. somebody moved it. who would know that I would have to use it on someone that I live with. Bitches tried taken my quilts and milk. (they don't even drink skim milk)

  2. Didn't I tell you!? I warned you about this mom, you should have stayed here! WE have guns and bottled water. You made your choice and now you're on your own!