Saturday, February 9, 2013

Milkshakes Will Kill You

Someone is trying to kill me.

No, I don't mean that my kids are driving me crazy or spouse is acting irrational.  I mean it. Someone is trying to kill me. Like, really.  There was an attempt made last night and, well, I could have died.  I think.  Let me know if I could have died from this...

I have been suffering from a head cold for the last week or so and I have had all the regular symptoms, sore throat, headaches, congestion.  You get it.  Well, since I've had this sore throat all week, all I could think about yesterday was how I would REALLY love to have a milkshake.  Dalai Dad was at a work related function last night, so the kids and I were on our own for dinner.  I figured we could go to a place (with the word Shake in the name) and get cheeseburgers and milkshakes.  Awesome.  So we did.  Big mistake!

We all ordered our shakes and meals and while we waited we colored, giggled and talked.  Little did the children and I know that somewhere in the kitchen,  a ninja was spiking my milkshake with something lethal.  The reason is still unknown.  I like to think that I have lived a pretty honest, loving, and regret free life.  I don't have any enemies to speak of.  Maybe the government has caught on to my supreme intelligence and felt I was a threat to national security. (I doubt it.) 

Mmmmmmm, doesn't that look good?
Beware, milkshakes will kill you!
Back to the story... The waitress politely brings our drinks and meal, smiles and asks if there is anything else we need.  Everything looks in order, no strange objects floating about in the drinks, silverware is spot free.  "We're good."  I replied and proceeded to enjoy my long awaited milkshake. 

The kids happily ate their dinner and giggled in between bites about a funny song we heard on the radio on the way to the restaurant (I won't reveal the real name, but it has Shake in the name).

About half way through my shake and dinner, I took a sip of the shake and felt something hard, "Maybe a piece of ice," I first thought, so I crunched down on it.  It crunched too hard and loud to be ice, so I politely used to my napkin to remove the broken pieces from my mouth.  That's when I realized that something wasn't right.  The pieces looked like tiny shards of glass.  I rinsed the pieces, which totaled three, in my glass of water.  All pieced together, the three pieces were probably about the size of my pinkie fingernail.  After being rinsed off, I could tell that this was surely glass that I had bit into!  Mother F*(%$#$!  Son of a B$&^(!  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN!!!  AND TO ME!!!

Quite a bit shaken, I flagged down the manager and told him that I found something in my shake.  I pointed to the tiny pieces of glass sitting on the table.  He quickly scooped them up and apologized profusely.  He quickly stuttered "Would you like something else? Can I get something for you?  Are you Okay?"

This, not being my first rodeo with shit found in my food, I replied that "Yes, I'll take another shake. Without glass, please."

He, not certain of my response, made a nervous smirk and quickly shuffled to kitchen to fetch me another milkshake.  Moments later, he appeared again and explained that upon examining the objects pulled from my shake, it did, in fact, appear to be broken glass.  He reported that another lady had found something similar in her shake.  He then proceeded to explain that no glasses had been broken that day, but they were pulling all their glasses to check and re-wash.  He also explained that the shake area was being inspected along with the shake machine itself. 

Having worked in the service industry for many years, I understand that shit happens.  While I worried that I may have accidentally swallowed some of the glass, I was thankful that I caught the piece that I did.  What a catastrophe that could have been!  I'm not exactly sure what happens when you swallow glass shards, but I'm pretty sure it would involve some internal cuts, bleeding or at the least, a painful "outcome" if you know what I mean.  Then, I thought about freak show acts that involve eating glass and those people don't die, right?  Right?

The whole incident made me think back to a time that I found a button in a cheeseburger from a fast food restaurant.  That was totally gross.  It wasn't just a button, it was a Motherhood Maternity button. Some poor mama out there got so big that she popped the button right off her pants and into my cheeseburger.  Yuck!  Why do these things always happen to me? 

Back to the shake story.  The manager was very apologetic and offered the moon to me.  He adjusted the bill and gave me another glass-free milkshake to take with me.  So, everything came out alright in the end.  I'm still alive and well.  I treated the whole situation with humor and grace.  I could have easily been a huge bitch about it, but I chose to be calm and understanding.  I've been in that manager's position before.  (I've never put glass in someone's drink, but I have been known to completely ruin a funeral in my day.  Florist friends can understand and empathize with that one.)

I know what it feels like to have to take the blame for something that you, obviously, didn't do on purpose.  I could see the anxiety and stress in his voice and demeanor about the situation and I felt sorry for him.  It wasn't his fault that there was glass in my shake and I wasn't going to take it out on him.  I'm glad he handled it the way he did and I enjoyed my second shake, without glass. 

*Bonus-  I fed my family, didn't die, had a good laugh and the bill was only $13 for dinner! 

Have you ever found something odd in your food/drink?  How did you handle it? 

Have you ever been on the manager's side of the story?  How did you handle it? 


  1. Lorie, we are lucky to be alive! Glad to see that the restaurant closed. New warning...Beware Reuben sandwiches will kill you!

  2. This the most retarded sh I've ever read.