Build

In the last year, I have learned more and more about patience and staying present.  I have found this really great yoga studio where I practice every week.  My teacher says this phrase over and over every week and it has really stuck with me.

"Don't worry about where you NEED to be.  Just start where you ARE right now.  Be here now."

Those few words have impacted my thinking so much in the last year that I am starting to notice that philosophy in little moments around me everywhere I go.

On my drive to and from work, there is a house that burned completely to the ground.  When it happened I felt so terrible for the family of strangers that live there.  My first thought was how horrible it would be to rebuild a whole household, a lifetime's accumulation, of belongings.

Each day, as I drive by, there was more and more progress as they cleared the rubbish, laid a new foundation, added a frame, and busily enclosed walls.  Just this week they added the trusses for the roof and added the actual roof.  When I drove by and noticed how much progress they had made in just a short amount of time, I was so excited for these strangers and amazed at their resilience. They made the decision to rebuild their lives in the same spot that broke their hearts.

What an incredible analogy for life's obstacles!  Even when you feel down or defeated, you don't have to worry about where you NEED to be, you just have to focus on the baby steps to get you to your goal.

A few years ago, I decided to enter graduate school and the task seemed so daunting, at first.  But as I completed one class at a time, I felt closer and closer to the end goal. Before I knew it, I was graduating with a Master's Degree.  Looking back at that I'm not sure how I did it.  Working full time, having two young kids and household to run surely should have slowed me down, but it didn't.  I focused on one thing at a time, took each day and task as it's own and the semesters just ticked by.

When I have a challenging student, my first thought is usually what does this child need right now? I try not to assign a story to what I think is going on, but I ask instead.  What do you need right now?  Starting from the most basic needs and building my way up to the more in depth tasks helps to keep the student and me grounded in the here and now.  Whether it's a student sitting and staring out the window instead of reading (I didn't sleep well last night) to a student refusing to do their writing (I don't know I should write about) or a student that constantly seeks attention from me in good or bad ways (I don't get much validation at home). When I can figure out where they are ARE right now, I can help build them up to where they NEED to be.

Some days building is easier than others. Some days all I can do is clear the rubbish.  Other days I add the foundation, walls AND roof.  I just try to stay present in whatever I'm building right now.  I'll try not to worry much about the end result. I'm going to just worry more about the right now.

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Guest Post: Ricochet Dalai Dog

A day in the life of Ricochet, 6 month old Catahoula pup:

6:33am- The humans are getting up, that means it's breakfast time!  Outside first, then breakfast.  Boy, am I excited. 

6:35am- Race Winston, the Yorkie, outside to get to the Peeing Spot.  Run full speed down Hallway, slide across the kitchen floor, and out the door.

Sniff for at least 2 minutes to find Peeing Spot.

Wrestle Winston to show him I'm in charge.  Yip when he bites me back.

6:46am- Bark at the door for the humans to let me back inside.  I almost forgot about breakfast!!
Head to the Dish and gobble down Puppy Chow as fast as I can because it's time to wrestle again.

6:47am- Now that breakfast is done, find the Yorkie and wrestle some more.  Yip when he bites me back.  Time to find Mom and snuggle.

6:49am-  Found her! She is in Bed!  Jump up and bite her nose.  Snuggle and enjoy belly rubs. 

7:32am-  Did I finish my breakfast?  Maybe I'll just check to make sure.  Bite Mom's ears to let her know that I'm leaving.

Yep.  Ate all the breakfast.  Where's that Yorkie?

8:00am-  Time for Treats!  Dad gives me a bone Treat to chew.  I take it in the room where Mom is sleeping.  It's my favorite spot to chew.  I like the way the crunching sounds against the hard floor.

8:02am-  Mom's up!  That means Play!  And Ball!  And Snuggle!

8:25am- Run 15 fast laps around Living Room because I'm so excited that Mom's up.  She's even yelling and cheering for me!  She says things like "No, Rico!  Slow down!  Stop it!"  She really seems excited for me. I just love her.


8:29am-  Pass out on Living Room rug due to exhaustion.

9:35am-  What's that!?  I heard something!  Jump up and go check it out.
Find the source of Noise.  It's that reflection in the window.  Bark at reflection for 5 minutes.  Mom yells at it too.  She says things like "No, Rico!  That's your reflection!  Stop it!  Quit barking!"  Finally Noise is gone.  I scared it away.  Good thing they have me here.

9:37am-  Go back to Living Room to continue nap time.

11:04am-  Bored with nap time.  Go find Kong to chew on something for a while.  Didn't find Kong, but I did find Toilet Paper!  My favorite!  Grab Toilet Paper and bring it into Living Room.  Start shredding!

11:06am-  Mom found out about Toilet Paper.  She got mad about it.  She took it away and showed me her teeth.  I guess she wanted to shred it herself.  Dang it.

11:35am-  Sit at Door and whine to go outside again.  Mom let's me out.  Return to the door in 30 seconds because I didn't really have to go.

12:09pm-  I just remembered!  I haven't checked Laundry Room garbage yet today.  I wonder if there's Dryer Sheets in there today?  Let's go see.

12:14pm-  I found Dry Sheets but Mom took them away and showed me her teeth again.  She doesn't let me have any fun!


12:24pm-  The Littles are having lunch!  That means crumbs.  Second breakfast is here!

12:58pm-  Nap again in Living Room because exhausted from wrestling Winston again for crumbs.  He won.

1:23pm-  Randomly whine at Mom.  Then she Snuggles me. 

1:35pm-  Time to go outside again.  Stand at Door and whine.  Littles let me out but Winston doesn't want to come.  Fine.  I'll go by myself. 

Run around outside randomly barking at leaves, wind and rocks.  Find Dirt Spot to lay down for a bit in the sun.  I like Dirt Spot because it's cool but the sun is warm.  Nap in Dirt Spot for a while.

2:09pm-  Littles are outside!!  I like them.  That means Play!  And Ball!  And Chase!

3:04pm-  Bark at the door to go inside.  I'm tired from all the napping, Play, Ball and Chase.  I need a nap.

4:53pm-  Dad is home!  That means Wrestle!! 
Once Dad is in the door, run, jump and bark until he pets me.  He's my favorite.  He likes to Wrestle. 

5:34pm-  Wrestle Dad in Living Room. He won.

6:26pm-  It's Dinner time!  Dad puts more Puppy Chow in the bowl and I gobble it up.  I need to hurry because it's time to play Ball again. 

6:34pm-  Found Ball and took it to Mom but she was busy.  Dad was outside cutting grass without me.  Littles like Ball, I'll find them.

6:35pm-  Found Littles.  Play Ball with Littles.  They throw Ball 27 times and I bring it back every time.  I'm a good boy.

8:34pm- Stand and whine at the door one more time before Bed.  Wrestle Winston one last time.

9:25pm-  Jump into chair with Mom or Dad and pass out from exhaustion. 

10:25pm-  Time to go to Actual Bed.  Littles are in Bed.  Dad and Mom are in Bed.  Circle my Pillow 12 times and plop down. 

10:29pm-  Not sure of the position and wondering what Winston is doing.  Get up and army crawl under Bed.  Yep.  Winston's under there.  Sleeping.  Wake him up, circle the room 8 more times, then plop back down on Pillow. 

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Christmas Muffins and the True Meaning of Christmas

No one knows the exhaustion of the holidays more than a teacher in the days leading up to winter break (especially teachers of smaller children).

No one understands the anticipation and angst of Santa's arrival more than a Kindergarten teacher on Dec. 19.

No one can imagine the crazed excitement of the Christmas countdown more than teachers.

Contrary to the negatives, you can't possibly know the joy of watching those same children celebrate with a popsicle for breakfast while wearing their pajamas on jammie day, that last day before break. 

You can't comprehend the ecstatic nature of a classroom Christmas party in which they open presents and goodie bags from friends. 

No one can commiserate with the hugs and giggles of 25 littles when they come into the classroom and see the room decorated with lights and ornaments for the first time.

In the last few days, us teachers have smiled through our weary, exhausted days, keeping the Christmas spirit alive in our classrooms.  We all know that very little academic learning has been going on in those days leading up to break, but there has been learning taking place nonetheless.  In the last five days, we have taught the value of kindness and giving, caring for one another and sharing memories.

In those frazzled days of wrapping, finishing up handmade, glittered and painted projects created by little hands, we have toiled away at making sure that every boy and girl in our class has a nice holiday, even if we have to do it ourselves. 

We have stuffed gift bags, ordered books and written out Christmas cards to each and every one of our students.  We love them as our own children.  We care deeply about them and want to make sure that this holiday is magical and memorable for them.

In the last week, we have spent our own time and money preparing special treats, activities and special presents for those littles that make us cringe and smile all the same every day.

In the name of love and Christmas spirit, we have fretted and worried about the ones who won't have much of a Christmas once they leave school.  And for them, we go out of our way to make sure that the Christmas spirit is alive and well in the classroom.

We carefully decorate the room with lights and ornaments, maybe even a tree.  We hang every Christmas card that is created with markers, glitter, and crayon. 

We smile as we open the small treasures and gifts they proudly offer to us as they march through our classroom doors.  We quickly scratch out a thank you card for each treasured gift during our plan periods, even the one for the package of half-used post-it notes.  We do this because each one of those gifts was given with love, thoughtfulness and pride, even the used post-it notes. 

All of this Christmas spirit reminded me yesterday of a sweet little girl I had a few years ago, "Jazzy".  She was a sweet little girl with fiery red hair and a gentle disposition.  She was such a happy little girl and a good friend to many kids in my class.  She came from a family that struggled to make ends meet.  Although they didn't have a lot of money, she was loved and taken care of by her mom and dad. 

I will never forget the last day before winter break when she came waltzing in the classroom that morning proudly carrying a wrapped up package that she presented to me with a huge smile on her face.  It was obvious that she had wrapped the gift herself by the too-much tape stuck on all the sides. 


She gleamed ear to ear as she watched me open the gift.  I smiled and complimented the wrap job, "Oh, this is beautiful!  Did you wrap this yourself?"  She nodded and her eyes sparkled with pure delight and pride.

As I opened the gift, I nearly burst into tears (as I do now just thinking of it.)  She had wrapped up two packages of muffin mix for me.  As I gushed over how nice of a gift it was, she said, "I thought you could maybe make muffins for your kids on Christmas morning."

As I looked at her I was overwhelmed with the feeling that these two packages of muffin mix may have been destined for her own Christmas breakfast, but instead she chose to give them to me.  I hugged her and fought back the tears.  I thanked her over and over and repeated how excited I was to make those muffins on Christmas morning. 

It was obvious that even though she was not being raised in a household of money and material fortunes, she was being raised to understand the importance of taking care of one another.  She was learning the value of thoughtfulness and kindness. 

And quite honestly, isn't that more important than gift cards and coffee mugs?

So, as I made the Christmas muffins on Christmas morning, my own kids asked where the muffins came from and I told them the story.  They were impressed with the little girl's giving and thoughtfulness.  I remember Luci saying, "That was nice.  She got us a gift and she doesn't even know us."

I responded, "That's the true meaning of the spirit of Christmas."

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Target: Say Something, I'm Giving Up on You



 

 

Before I begin the upcoming rant, I wanted to share the different working titles that I came up with as I was thinking about and writing this next post.  The list is as follows:

F*&% You Target, You Selfish, Greedy Bitch!

Target Strips Away the Magic of Christmas

Relationship Status with Target: It's Complicated

How Target's Corporate Greed Ruined Christmas Magic for My Son

Let me begin in saying that Target and I have been in a semi-serious relationship for years now.  We have shared many good times, great laughs and funny stories. Hell, I have provided Target with a vast amount of free advertising just based on my blog posts about conversations I have overheard in Target. 

I have generated interest for their store with my many funny tales of Target adventures.  Not to mention that I have provided free advertising, targeting the male population of shoppers in my post about picking up female prostitutes in the lingerie section.   That alone should get me a free Starbucks or something!  But alas, Target has gone and done it.  They have exceeded the maximum capacity of my patience with them. 

Let me say that I am saddened and embarrassed that they have stooped to the level of ruining the 'magic' that is Elf on the Shelf for the monetary profits that this product generates. 

I will be the first to say that four years ago, when I first heard of Elf on the Shelf I was excited about the idea and I thought it was a darling family tradition.  I ran straight out and bought an Elf with the book.  At that time, the only place you could find the Elf was at small boutiques and specialty stores.  So after some searching, I found one.  I planned an elaborate entrance for our elf.  He would arrived wrapped in Christmas paper, dropped on our doorstep by none other than Santa himself!  It was a wonderful introduction that went off without a hitch!  The kids loved it, they bought it and so the tradition began. 

I will admit that the Elf actually became more of a pain in the ass than I had originally thought, but it was a tradition, nonetheless.  The kids looked forward to it and excitedly awaited his arrival each year...until Target released it's Wish List catalog this year. 

Two days ago, Ivan asked for some magazines that he could use to make a "All About Me" collage for Cub Scouts.  I gave him a few old magazines and the Target Holiday Wish List catalog to use. 

 

"There might be some good pictures of Legos or action figures that you like in there buddy."  I said, not knowing what was housed in the seemingly innocent toy catalog.

Fast forward to the next day, as I was walking in the door from a long day at work, I went to hang up my coat.  Ivan was sitting contently at the table working on his collage, flipping through the pages of the Target Wish List catalog.  As I closed the door to the coat closet, Ivan shouted "MOM!" 

As I spun around to see what was causing such alarm in his voice, he yelled, "THE ELF ON THE SHELF DOESN'T COME FROM THE NORTH POLE OR SANTA! IT COMES FROM TARGET!"

My heart immediately dropped into my stomach as I looked down to see the Target Wish List catalog sitting on the table with the Elf on the Shelf ad in the bottom corner, right next to the other books and videos.  Sonofabitch!

My head spun trying to come up with an explanation, an excuse.  I had nothing.  It was obvious that the delay in my reaction was proof enough that the Elf had indeed, not come the North Pole.  "Don't tell your sister,"  is all I could come up with. 

As he slumped in his chair and pounded his fist on the table in disgust, I felt equally disgusted with the marketing genius that decided that it would be a good idea to put the Elf on the Shelf product right in the catalog that children look at to make a Christmas wish list!  What in the world were they thinking!? 

If you are familiar with the story of the Elf on the Shelf, the book states that he comes from Santa himself and he returns to the North Pole each night to report to Santa.  Obviously, this marketing employee hasn't read the book or isn't familiar with the tradition enough to know that the book and Elf don't come from a store!  They come from Santa! 

Last year, I let it slide when Target put up a huge end-cap display of Elf on the Shelf directly across the isle from the toy section.  As I coaxed my kids in another direction, hoping that they didn't see the display, I sneered a little at the cluelessness of the location of the display.  Obviously, they don't realize that the Elf is supposed to be a "secret magical Elf from the North Pole."  In fact, we shouldn't even be talking about him because that, in fact, makes him lose his magic! 

I know it's not the end of the world and my kids still believe in Santa, but I was a little disappointed in Target for not being more sensitive to the audience that they target with their Wish List catalog.  I would have thought that they could exclude the Elf on the Shelf from the toy catalog as not to place any doubts as to the magic that is Elf on the Shelf. 

Maybe I shouldn't be mad at Target.  Maybe I should be mad at the publisher or author of the book, after all, they partnered with Target to be a distributor, right? 

Maybe I should be upset with myself for not previewing the catalog first. 

Maybe I should just be upset with the fact that my son is getting old enough that he is going to be figuring these things out sooner or later.  Maybe I'm not mad at Target but rather the fact that my boy is growing up too darn fast. 

Hopefully, Target and I can get past this little rough patch. After all, we've been through so much together.  I think for right now, I just need some time to think and be alone for a while.  Maybe after the holidays we can reconvene and hash things out.   


P.S.  If you would like to hear more about my funny, Target shopping episodes read :

 Prostitutes in Target:  The Time I Overheard a Craigslist Connection in Target

Blogher Featured :  A For-Real Conversation that I Heard in Target

Blogher Featured :  Christmas Brings Out All the Amateurs

My sister-in-law's attempt/fail at being a professional Target shopper. :  Amateurs Step Aside: A Target Story

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No Shame November 2014

 

 

Last year, I set out on a mission to start a writing challenge for my readers.  I started No Shame November and I had quite a few really great submissions that I shared on Dalai Mama and I would love to do it again.

 

You can read last year's submissions:

Letter to My 20 year old Self

Letter to My 19 Year Old Self

Letter to My 20 year Old Self

Letter to My 14 year Old Self

Letter to My 19 Year Old Self

 

Indeed, I want to hear from you, readers!   I know that you all have a story to tell and I can't tell you how much I love a story written in a letter form!

 

What I am wanting you to do is think about a pivotal point in your life.  Maybe it was when you met your spouse, had your first child, moved away from home, lost a loved one or made a major life choice.  Whatever your pivotal point is, I want you to write a letter to yourself at that point in your life. 

• What would you say to yourself? 
• What advice would you offer? 
• What things would you change, or would you? 
• Would you tell yourself to run fast the other way or would you pat yourself on the back for a job well done?
• Would you offer words of encouragement or tell yourself to snap out of it?

We all have an important time in our lives where we could have taken a different path, done something differently or responded in a different manner.  Let us inspire one another with our stories. When you write your letter, I want you to be shameless in your delivery.  I want you to be brave and honest with yourself.  Tapping into what choices we have made and coming to terms with those choices can have a very healing and calming effect.  Trust me when I say that writing can be very therapeutic for the soul. 

 

So, women and men of all ages, I challenge you tap into your inner "Dalai Mama" and have a great conversation with yourself.  If you haven't done anything for yourself in a while, I challenge you.  After you put the kids to bed, finish your homework, or get off work, I challenge you to sit down and write yourself a letter.  I challenge you to write for just 5 minutes, to get started.  I promise that once you start, it will be hard to stop until you're finished.  

 

So here is how it is going to work:

 

You will dedicate some thoughtful reflection time to yourself and write your letter.  You can send your submission to me by emailing me at dalaimamablog@gmail.com.   I will be accepting submissions for your letter to your younger self from Sunday, Nov. 2 until Sunday, Nov. 30 at 10pm.  Once I have had time to review your submissions, I will post your letters on Dalai Mama throughout the month of November. 

 

If you choose to remain anonymous, I will respect that and your name and likeness will not be included.  If you are a fellow blogger, I will link back to your blog if you would like.  I will also share your posts on Facebook and Twitter. 

 

I can't wait to hear your letters.  I will be working on mine and it will be posted on Dalai Mama.  Now, get to writing!

The BROchure and the Awkward Joys of Parenting

A few weeks ago we got the letter. 

The letter from school. 

The letter from school explaining how they were going to be having the girls and boys and puberty presentation.

Oh boy.  I was NOT ready for this already.  Didn't I just bring this kid home from the hospital?  Wasn't he JUST learning how to walk and swing on the swings by himself?  Wasn't it just yesterday that he took off the water floaties and swam in the deep end all by himself?  Damn it if we're not talking about puberty already.  So I prepared myself.

Just weeks earlier, he had caught us in the act of sneaking the money under the pillow for the tooth fairy.  We were found out.  Although, he didn't ask any other questions, I'm sure it's coming.  My boy is not a baby anymore.  He's in this in-between area, stuck between boy and dude. 

So he came home from school that day and didn't say anything about the puberty presentation.  He must have said something to Dalai Dad and so I was curious what they talked about.

"How was school today?" I cautiously asked.
"Fine."
"Anything exciting happen?"
"No."
"Did they talk about the puberty stuff today?"
"Yeah.....they gave me a BROchure."

Just like that.  He said "BROchure."  I tried not to die laughing.  How fitting that he would interpret the hand-out that they gave him as the "BROchure." 

"Oh, cool."  I said.  "Did you learn anything new?  Anything you didn't know before?"
"No. Not really.  I'm gonna get hairy underarms and stuff."
"Cool."

And away he went.  Into his room, leaving the BROchure sitting on the table. 

Curious, I picked it up and started reading.  It had the usual stuff...your body is going through changes, yada, yada, yada.  You will be getting taller, your voice will change, your shoulders will get broader, you will get armpit hair and more body hair.  You will experience erections.  YIKES!  The BROchure had a diagram of a penis.  This was heavy duty stuff for my baby who had just found out about the Tooth Fairy!

As he emerged from his room, he caught me reading the BROchure.  "MOM!  You can't look at that!" he shouted at me as he ripped it from my hands. 
"Why not?  I wanted to know what you guys talked about today."
"Well, because.  You can't be reading the BROchure!  It's for dudes!"
"Well, it's fine.  I know all about the stuff in that BROchure anyways.  It's not new information to me."
"What? How do you know about all the stuff in the BROchure?"
I thought for a minute...."Because I'm a teacher.  And teachers have to learn about that stuff when they are doing child development classes and stuff.  It's ok."
"Oh, ok. But just don't be looking at my BROchure anymore, okay?"  He stomps off back to his room taking the BROchure with him. 

And that was that.  The BROchure showed up, made everything awkward and now he knows that I know all about penises.  Why does parenting have to be so complicated?

He and Dalai Dad had a good father/son camp out this weekend and hopefully they had a chance to talk about any dude stuff that, obviously, moms aren't supposed to know about. 

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People Are Strange



Last week, I took my show on the road and went to New Orleans for five days.  Equipped with no less than three pairs of flip flops and three different purses, I was ready to take on the Big Easy.  My flip flops proved to be completely useless but fun was had regardless.

We were hardly out of the Illinois when the realization was made that this would prove to be a memorable trip.  I started a list of strange and/or interesting things that we encountered along the way. 

Here's my list (please note that once you are actually in New Orleans, strange weirdos are around every corner, so I kind of stopped keeping track at some point.): 

• random diaper pin laying on the ground
• hot airplane pilot
• lady with too much Botox
• an Asian man eating a tomato in the airport terminal
• random tap dancing lady
• a clown smoking a cigarette
• a man in a gorilla suit (really, it was like 100 degrees!)
• a dude wearing a skirt and tights with bright pink hair
• a parade of women (and men) all wearing bridal gowns
• my sister in law caught the bouquet!!
• a stripper wearing her "uniform" on a public street at 4:30 pm
• a chick with no top and pasties on a public street at 4:35pm
• random calliope music everyday at 5:30pm (never did figure out where it was coming from)
• a midget leprechaun wearing a loin cloth
• lady with a rip in her pants....no undies (oops)
• a lady painting her toenails on the sidewalk waiting for Payless Shoes to open
• the smell of BO, hot garbage and piss
• the Halloween costume shop that also doubled as an adult toy store (surprise!!)
• two chicks dressed in dominatrix clothing, punishing their dude on a public street (I promise that was NOT me!)
• Reverend Arby-B-Q preaching out in front of the Arby's
• the hot dog cart guy cussing out the pedicab driver (yea, tell 'em!)
• a guy dressed like Homer Simpson sitting on top of a garbage can
• the grumpy croissant
• dancing with a homeless man in the middle of Bourbon St. (I think at this point I became one of the strange, weirdos)

In addition to all these wonderful things, NOLA also provided many delicious things to eat.  We ate beignets....

We got to see beautiful architecture...

 

 

 

 

We visited historical sites and investigated points of interest....

 

 

 

We stumbled down the 'tricky' cobblestone streets of the French Quarter....

 

 We met many interesting people and animals, we made up fictional characters and told their stories, and we admired from afar...

 

 

 

We took in all the music, parades and art of New Orleans....

 

 

Altogether, I would say it was a trip that I will never forget! 

 





 

 

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